I’m here today to tell you all that I can tell you about Billy Castro Does The Mission without distracting you from the review. This means I won’t be able to share my honest opinions with you about some things because apparently honest opinions about a product or film are not the stuff of reviews, but in fact the stuff of distractions.

So! Billy Castro Does The Mission is a porno.

It has five scenes.

Scene One:

Billy Castro masturbates alone in a weight room. I have no opinions about masturbation scenes. Billy gets a phone call inviting him to go see a movie. Billy puts on pants and leaves.

Scene Two:

Dylan Ryan steals Billy’s bike and leaves a ransom note. Billy follows Dylan to a strange place and finds her in a hot tub. Billy and Dylan have sex in the hot tub in many positions. Dylan gives Billy a blowjob. Billy uses his fingers, his mouth and his strap on dildo with Dylan. The sex is often rough and there is slapping. Dylan has an orgasm(s).

Scene Three:

Jiz Lee is playing video games. Billy visits Jiz. They play video games. Jiz wins. Billy wrestles with Jiz. They have sex. Billy is energetic with positions. Jiz squirts a lot. The sex is often rough. They are very active and assume many positions. This scene could have been longer.

Scene Four:

Akira Raine is near a U-Haul trying to put a mattress inside. Billy sees Akira and offers to help with the mattress. Billy and Akira take the mattress inside the U-Haul and fuck on it.

Scene Five:

Lorelei Lee is Billy’s girlfriend. Billy comes home. Lorelei has been worried, and is angry at Billy when he cannot explain where he has been. Lorelei punishes Billy. They have sex.

Conclusion:

Some scenes aroused me. Other scenes did not. I would tell you why, but I don’t want to distract anyone from the porn review with my thoughts and reactions to a porn performance. As a matter of fact, I have no opinions about any particular scene in comparison to any other scene. I have no opinions about the interaction of Billy with any other performer. I have no opinions regarding anyone’s actions or the sounds they make or the things they say. To voice an opinion about any performer’s sexual activities in a porn movie might seem overly biased or rude.

So, there you have it! Billy Castro Does The Mission. Available from Good Vibes. You can see the trailer here. The only opinion I will share with you guys is that if you like rough sex, strap on’s, fingering, oral, some slapping, squirting, queerness, hotties, and dirty talk then you’ll find something you like in Billy Castro Does The Mission. Because queer porn is amazing and should never be questioned or criticized. The simple fact that it exists should be enough for anyone.Similar Posts:

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Every silicone dildo company needs a generic penis-shaped dildo, but that doesnt mean I have to like it. I’m talking about the Vamp Marilyn. Marilyn is firm, slim, pretty, and without balls. On the site, one potential color combo is aqua and purple, which is gorgeous and what I had hoped mine might look like. Alas, my Marilyn is a swirled black and silver. There’s a small hole in the base sized for use with a bullet vibrator. It’s seven straight inches long by one and a half inches in girth. The length works well for me (with my belly), but I do find myself wishing for an upward curve to work with the g-spot, and to keep it angled upright when strapped on. For that, though, there’s Talula.

I thought Marilyn would be right up my alley, a basic that everyone needs, like a little black dress or Doc Martins. It turns out that while she’s plenty long enough, she’s not wide enough for my tastes and while I like the look of a straight shaft, I miss the curve of other dildos. A lot of harness compatible dildos have some curve, or some widening at the head, but Marilyn’s head is just the same width as the shaft. Even the upward angle of Talula is welcome to Marilyn’s bland figure.

Beginners, and those who do not like any kind of texture might appreciate the smooth shaft and slenderness of Marilyn. The slenderness and length also could make it a good choice for intermediate anal play. Or you might choose to pass on Marilyn and look through Vamp’s pages and find something with a different size and shape, more to suit your needs. To be fair, the description states that Marilyn is a “simple, all purpose dildo,” and she is. If you were a beginner with no dildos at all and you needed something you could use for anal if you so chose but also wanted something suitable for vaginal penetration, you might choose Marilyn.

I had thought the Leo by Vixen was a lot bigger or girthier than Marilyn, but the truth is they’re the same girth. Leo is actually slightly shorter, overall. Leo’s realistic curve is appealing, and the slightly softer silicone of Leo lends to an ever so slightly more realistic motion. They’re both basic, penis-shaped dildos, but Leo pulls it off a little better. The Marilyn is very straight, very smooth, very bland. The biggest difference is that Marilyn’s head is the same width as the rest of her body, while Leo’s head is 1/4 inch larger in circumference. It seems like it’s not that much, but it is, I assure you. Look at the proof.

I’m not doing a bullet list for Marilyn as it is much the same as that of Talula. Use waterbased lube only. Sterilize by boiling, rinsing with a 10% bleach solution, or tossing on the top shelf of the dish washer (without soap and without dishes). Use condoms when you share toys. Marilyn’s going to fit in most or all harnesses. Don’t point a dildo directly at another person while both persons are in motion. Er, wait… maybe you should do that last one. Either way, head over and check out Vamp’s offerings. If Marilyn seems bland, try Elvis! (He’s got balls.)Similar Posts:

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Vamp is a company I discovered recently that makes 100% silicone, semi-realistic dildos in a variety of interesting and intuitive cock shapes, some with balls, some without. They’re interestingly colored, rather than flesh toned, which is ideal for people who are still a little hesitant about realistic dildos. Vamp also make anal toys in cool shapes and funky designs. I like that they offer two firmnesses of silicone, soft and regular, so you can choose your preference. All the toys have kitschy Hollywood names, which I am so down with. What I have here is a medium Talula (second from the bottom of the page) in regular silicone in a swirly blue with white streaks. The regular silicone is very firm, and I’ve unfortunately not been able to sample the softskin, though the softskin Talula is still capable of being firm enough to stand up and be usable for penetrative sex, it will just have more give when squeezed.

It is 6″ long by a 1.5″ diameter. It’s not very big, but even for someone who has used girthier toys, it’s still satisfying. Additionally, a little on the slender side is a good way to go if you’re planning on strapping on, as it allows ease of thrusting.

What makes the Talula stand out is that it isn’t merely a dildo with balls, but it’s extremely angled up so that when it is worn, the cock juts upwards like an actual erection. I hear you telling me you don’t care about real erections. I say, shhh, read on, my lesboriffic readers.

This unique feature makes the angle better for penetrative sex. The reality is that when a dildo is strapped on, it sags down a little bit, pointing towards the ground. The upward angle of Talula fights the downwards sag to keep the head up and more easily “aimed” at what you’re aiming for. This is a great idea, but with my belly, the medium size is a little short and will be slightly problematic for penetrative sex, giving and receiving. I could use it longer to give a bit more reach. So keep that in mind with this and any dildo you’re gonna strap on; if you have a big belly, you’ll need a bit more length. I’d go with the large, at 6.5″ by 2″.

Use and Care Notes

• At 1.5″ in diameter it will fit into most O-ring harnesses, and works very well with the SpareParts Joque or Theo harness.
• Being silicone, you should only use waterbased lube on it, or else risk damaging the silicone material of the dildo.
• To clean the Talula you can boil it for three minutes in water or toss it on the top shelf of the dishwasher (no detergent, no dishes) to sterilize it. Alternately, you can just wash it up with toy cleaner or hand soap and water.
• If you’re going to share it with someone with whom you are not fluid-bonded, you should use a condom.
• Use a condom (and change it between acts) if you will be going from anal to vaginal, as bacteria can spread.
• Do not juggle dildos with cats underfoot.

Head on over to Vamp and check out the Talula and the other fine silicone toys they have to offer!Similar Posts:

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Available from Eden Fantasys, the G-Ki is the sophomore offering from Je Joue. It strays from its predecessor’s (the SaSi) solo clitoral focus and has set its sights on being a g-spot or dual clitoral/g-spot vibrator. The G-Ki is a manatee shaped vibrator with a head that adjusts to two positions (relaxed and angled down) and a neck that adjusts to four positions (relaxed, slightly bent, slightly more bent, and fetal-position-manatee). The adjustability of the neck is what they say allows for precise g-spot stimulation, and the dual g-spot/clit stimulation they claim can happen during fetal-manatee-positioning. It has an instruction booklet which is not as intense or intricate as that of the SaSi, because the G-Ki is actually pretty simple to use.

Vibrations

You control the vibration levels with “plus” and “minus” buttons. There are five constant settings, and then “plus” takes you to the patterns. The patterns are: 1. pulse, 2. fast pulse, 3. smooth escalation/de-escalation, 4. escalation-pulse, 5. faster escalation-pulse, and 6. a solid vibration with a lower frequency rumble (better) but a slower speed than the highest constant solid vibe-speed setting (slightly worse). So you get a little good, a little bad on the top setting.

The vibrations are fairly evenly distributed throughout the useful points, that being the head and the body. I like the highest constant solid vibrate setting, just before the patterns begin. I need the speed. The frequency is low, which I like. It’s got the same sort of rumble the Laya Spot has, but with more power than Laya, and less rumble than the LELO Ina. It’s definitely enough for me, but some may find it not enough. The trick is adjusting it so that vibration hits you right; then you may find it’s just the right amount of vibration.

Details and Care

G-Ki is silicone and hard plastic, which means it can be cleaned with toy cleaner, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution. The metal control buttons double as the charging point; lay the magnetic charging connector to the button plate and it adheres and charges. The buttons have silicone behind/around them to prevent leaking, which makes this waterproof, so you can wash it in the sink without worry. Use waterbased lube. Do not set near cats. Avoid juggling the G-Ki if possible.

Design and Packaging

It arrives packaged in a box that closes with a ribbon that you can use to store it, unless you’re me. If you’re me, you wish it had a satin pouch because you don’t have room for another pretty box. In fact, I wish it had a SaSi-esque silicone stand to rest it in while it charges. No such thing. It just flops sadly on the desk… like a sad manatee. It’s available in black, purple, pink and new! holyfuckingpink.

Experiences

G-Ki is getting a lot of very excited reviews all over the internet (if you go looking for them) saying that it’s a wonderful, shiny, fantastic, warp-speed vibrating adjustable goddess from on high. I see reviews like this and I want to be the devil’s advocate, you know? I wanted to be the guy that walked in and said, “Er… G-Ki is nice, guys, but it’s not perfect.” Part of me wanted to not like G-Ki, just to be stubborn. Yet I also hoped against hope that I would love this sad manatee vibrator.

I’m here to say that truthfully, the G-Ki is very nice. It’s not perfect. However, if you’re warped, it’s very interesting. What am I talking about? Read on.

G-Ki Session 1: The Frustrations

The whole neck of the toy is adjustable. There are two raised nubs at the joints that you squeeze to unlock each joint and adjust the head from a neutral to angled position, and allows the neck to go from reaxed to curled down like a very sad manatee. The curl, as it happens, is very good at hitting the g-spot. They suggest you go at it in the neutral position first, but I was very quickly curling the G-Ki up to get some better g-spotting angles.

My problem (today). All curled up in the supposed g-spot/clit position, I cannot hit both. I can hit one or the other. When I’m hitting my g-spot, there is very indirect pressure to the clit. When I’m hitting the clit with the kind of pressure I like, I’m pressing the head of the G-Ki too deeply to be actively hitting the g-spot. The g-spot, after all, is only about two inches inside the vagina. This has lead to a few frustrated masturbation sessions where I have pushed the G-Ki’s body aside and let the head be a g-spotter and used my hand. The ultimate vibrator diss.

In my first G-Ki session I tried to thrust with it against my g-spot because that’s what I like. Curled up, the G-Ki snugs up between my labia, cleverly avoiding my clit, and giving me nothing to grab onto. It becomes a chore to grip and thrust, and I was constantly changing the vibration settings accidentally. I was wishing it had a handle or something, or a way to lock the buttons in a certain setting to avoid changing it all the time. Oh, and the awkward grip and thrust hurt my arm. I woke up with a sore arm, and I had only orgasmed once. Not worth it.

G-Ki Session 2: Determined to Figure Out The G-Ki

It was on the second G-Ki session that I managed to get everything working together. I found a hand hold that worked okay, or maybe my hand had worked up some G-Ki muscle memory, but I managed to thrust it the way I like it without dying. On this session, too, I managed to maneuver the toy so that while the body of the toy wasn’t mashing my clit with the pressure I generally employ, it was stimulating it sufficiently and also stimulating the internal legs of the clitoris. It wasn’t what I was used to, but it felt like a fuller vibration. It was a weird orgasm. It was good, but it was fast and suddenly everything was switched on! and it was intense and I came hard and then I needed a nap. Make sense? No? Good. Let’s keep talking.

Now, I discovered this part by accident. On the second G-Ki session, I was between orgasms, napping propped on my Axis Hitachi (sans Hitachi) when an alarm went off somewhere in the house. I was alone in the house. I was still wearing underwear (shut up, I don’t judge you guys), so I just got up with the curled G-Ki still in, the body of it resting and held in place by my underwear, and ran to kill the alarm and came back to bed (for another round). This got me thinking. If I can wear G-Ki with underwear because it nestles between the labia kind of too perfectly, could I wear it under a harness?

So was born G-Ki session three.

G-Ki Session 3: Packing Heat

For this I curled the G-Ki into the fully curled manatee position, and inserted it so the head pressed into my g-spot and the body tucked between my labia. Then I put on a harness with dildo and jerked off. By this, I mean I held the dildo and jerked off the dildo as if it were my own. The dildo’s base put pressure on the G-Ki’s body which put pressure and lovely vibration on my clit and it was pretty awesome. As a matter of fact, this works really well. I highly suggest trying it out because the motions associated with sexing someone while wearing the G-Ki under a harness do nice things to your g-spot and clit. Plus the harness helps keep the G-Ki in place.

The only problem with this is that occasionally the base of the dildo might change the speed settings of the G-Ki. A few times, it turned it off completely. This only happens if the harness slips low so that the base of the dildo is very low on your pubic bone. Just adjust the harness and you’re fine.

I recognize that this won’t work for everyone who wants to get off while jerking off a dildo/cock because people who strap on for gender purposes may have qualms with insertable toys. I’m not suggesting this method is right for everyone. I found it enjoyable and happened upon it by accident, and am just sharing a fun method to use the G-Ki.

Verdict

Improvements could be made. A better handle would make it easier to maneuver while fully curled, buttons that are less difficult to press, and some might argue a slightly girthier neck and head would improve the G-Ki. Be that as it may, it’s a good toy, and it’s remarkably versatile.

I don’t recommend this to anyone with arthritis or pain in their hands. Between hard to press (albeit exceedingly waterproof) buttons, and the difficulty in getting a grip to move it around, it’s going to be more frustrating than it’s worth. However, you don’t have to curl it fully as I have. It’s marginally easier to hold in its secondary neck position.

If you have struggled and failed to find your g-spot, the G-Ki will be of enormous help to you just because of its adjustability. I was surprised that as the G-Ki slid inside of me it just moved into my G-spot automatically. It’s very easy to tell just where it is because you can easily put a firm pressure on the G-spot, and combined with the vibrations, you can tell just which spot is liking it the most (that’d be the G-spot).

I recommend this to anyone who likes strapping on a dildo to make fuck with their partner and has maybe (or maybe not) tried double dildos (Share) or secondary dildos inside their harness for added stimulation and hopefully to orgasm from the act of fucking. If you want to get off in this fashion, G-Ki is the way to go.

Head on over to Eden Fantasys and pick up a G-Ki of your own!Similar Posts:

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Bordello is many things, but I’ll boil it down by saying: Bordello is a murder mystery porno with a plot. There’s sex, there’s murder, there are weapons and there is sleuthing. Pretty much my average Friday night. Just kidding. In all honesty, Bordello is really really ridiculously hot.

Intro: Madame and Servant. I don’t want to give away the twist at the end (and oh, what a twist!) but I’m going to touch on some of the best parts. The intro scene with April Flores and Billy Castro that is all kinds of hot. What exactly is it that makes it so awesome (in my eyes)? The dirty talk, April Flores’ voluptuous curves and perfectly matched hair and peep toe pumps, Billy Castro’s everything, the quality sex equipment, and the delicious (velvet?) sofa. Yeah, sometimes the scenery gets me going. So what if I like decor?

Part One: the tricks and the whores. This part is a montage, wherein Sophia St. James and Carson (one of my favorites from Seven Minutes in Heaven) go at it, Jolene Parton and Akira retreat to an arm chair by the window, and Tina Horn takes Vid Tuesday and James Darling off and tells them “You’re gonna do it to each other, and then you’re gonna do it to me. Any questions?” I think that’s probably my favorite part of this scene. In the extras, Tina says that she wanted to play on the male desire of seeing female presenting people together by portraying a female desire of seeing male presenting people together. I love this. I also love the way she protests going to investigate when the scream is heard down the hall. What happened? You’ll have to buy it and find out.

Part Two: the clues. The tricks and whores are sent off to find clues for the Madame. This part prompted me to tell Epiphora that “This movie is based around the premise that whores and johns are bad detectives. rofl. They do not care about finding clues. And everyone will destroy the evidence.” The part of me that watches CSI and Castle was dying inside, but the part of me that likes porn just LOVED it. The Gun is great scene, and I enjoyed it more than I imagined I would. Guns are dangerous, they’re phallic, and in this scene, James fellates the gun that Carson holds, thus fully linking the danger to sex. I see you cringing. I cringed too. But it’s actually an amazing scene.

The Dagger scene did less for me, because it’s a solo scene with Akira inserting a blunt dagger into her vagina, and then jerking off with a dildo. Partly my mind was screaming “Nooo, that’s sharp,” and partly I think I’m sort of bored by most solo scenes. Others may feel differently, however. Akira is gorgeous and it’s a good scene, but it’s just not my bag.

The Candlestick scene with Vid and Sophia is tied with The Gun for awesomeness. Anyone who’s a fan of wax play will go nuts for Sophia dripping hot wax on Vid, and then fucking him with the lit candle while she spanks him. The Rope scene takes place on a stairwell with Tina and Jolene playing with the rope, and a lot of Tina playing with Jolene. It was a really good scene, but my mind kept wandering and thinking about things like why there were hooks on the walls of the stairs.

Part Three: the mystery revealed. I’m not going to tell you just what was revealed, just that I was totally stoked that it was. The final scene was too short and featured Billy Castro and Sarah Lee Sinful fucking in another room. It had to be short to fit the film, and I was left wanting more of this scene when I discovered — the whole scene is included in bonus features. It was then that I discovered there is a God and s/he obviously wants us to be happy. Also, g-spots exist, because there is squirting.

Bordello is… so much more than meets the eye. It’s queer, it’s hot, it’s subversive, and it is freaking bad ass. If you’re looking for queer porn with a veritable salad of identities — transgender, genderqueer and cis-gender (and probably more) — and sexualities, then Bordello would be a good place to start the search.

Available from Courtney Trouble’s site, and from GoodVibes.com.

Click Here to explore Good Releasing’s various lines of adult titles and educational films representing independent artists who create authentic and diverse content.Similar Posts:

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