Have something to say? Have an interesting life story.? Have a story that might benefit others? I’m soliciting interview subjects for Our Stories, an ongoing series at Hahn at Home. Come check out the latest interview with Jess of Jess I Am.

Are you over 65 or know a lesbian over 65? Right now, I’m looking for some of our trailblazing more senior set to discuss Stonewall and before.

Respond to lori(at)hahnathome(dot)com.

Whilst listening to techno music this morning in the hopes of the deep base beats waking me up I found it fitting to write an ode of sorts to my gay boy.  He goes by several names. His given name is James, my niece calls him Pookie, and my brother and I refer to him as my Skinny. A “Skinny” is my brother and my definition of the skinny friend we both have that helps us do shit. Things like move, paint, and anything horribly physical fit into this category. Skinnys are usually docile creatures that are happy to please their fat counterpart. They are rewarded with sarcasm and the occasional rub on the head. Which in my skinnys experience is a whole new world since he decided to shave his head yesterday. No worries, I have already advised him that I would take him to the local army surplus store to get him a pair of shit kickers in the name of the Aryan race. We all make mistakes.

James has been in my life for over seven years now and although I don’t tell him as often as I should he has been a great friend and confidant. I don’t have to puff up my chest with James. I don’t have to be anyone other than who I am with him. We are, in essence, a fun to look at sudo hetero couple. I can get angry at times when we go out together and people assume I’m his hag. Then I look in the mirror and realize that I do rather fit the stereo type well.

James is the person I want to hang out with. He is the one person I talk to every day and the one person I call when I need to go to the casino. He is kind, has the softest hands in the world, and laughs at all my jokes. Despite James’ lack of motivation he has dreams and I respect that. He’s right beside me as we try to figure this life shit out as each year goes by. He was right there with me when my Dad was dying. He was the first person I called when he finally passed. He was the one I held on to when my niece had her second seizure and I thought I was going to fall to the ground like a woman in church speaking tongues.

I have heard the rumors that lesbians and gay men don’t get along. I will be happy to march on Washington to protest this notion. Or maybe it’s just the type of lesbian I am and the type of gay guy he is. Looking even deeper maybe it’s just the people we are and sexuality has nothing to do with it. Either way I needed to express my gratitude to a great guy and my best friend. May you all have a friend like him in your life. May you all have someone  you can discuss your bowel movements with and cry in front of. May you all have someone who will pick up your lighter when it falls to a place that you cannot possibly reach from a sitting position.

I raise my glass to you James. Or perhaps I should say, puff puff pass!

Your fat dyke hag and friend

Photo By: Layla Love

During the TLL Blog of the Year AwardsI was introduced to Riese from This Girl Called Automatic Win. From that blog I discovered Haviland Stillwell. From that point on I realized two things. 1. No matter how busy I think I am I’m never as busy as these two girls and 2. the three degrees of lesbian separation span into the blogging world as well as real life.

In Riese’s words via Haviland’s website she is described. “On a scale of one to ten, Haviland Stillwell is off the chain. Haviland is “little but fierce”; a born-and-bred Southern girl with a seductive city-girl edge — that rare and exceptional combination of smarts, ambition, beauty and ridiculous talent. She is often compared to Scarlett O’Hara, probably because they’ve both got pretty fairy-tale hair and Georgia roots. Actually, you wouldn’t ever leave Haviland without giving a damn.”

After doing some research I couldn’t have described her better myself. Haviland has recently embarked on a new project called FLIRT. It’s a talk show featured on Broadwayworld.com that exposes the true personalities and character behind today’s stars of stage, screen and music. In her second episode of FLIRT! Haviland is on an R Family Vacation cruise talking to the likes of Rosie O’Donnell, Christine Ebersole, Andrea McArdle, Daphne Rubin-Vega, Seth Rudetsky, Christine Pedi, Lillias White and many more!

This is only the tip of the iceberg for this amazing performer. Recently I was lucky enough to interview Haviland and got to know a little bit more about the woman behind the name.

Photo By: Layla Love

Goldstardyke: Okay, first and foremost are you into girls? If not how much booze would it take?
Haviland: I’m into a lot of things.  Girls, obvs.  Booze, not so much.

Goldstardyke: Speaking of gayness. We’ve been discussing Lindsey Lohan’s penchant for muffs. What do you think, is she a diver or does she like to suck on the snorkel?
Haviland: I don’t know Lindsay, but I guess it’s probably very hard to be in that constant state of scrutiny. I know you sign up for some of that when you’re a celebrity, but it is obviously terribly invasive and also, sort of odd - the obsession that our society at large seems to have with these people being “just like us!” Which is, of course, totally ironic. That obsession fuels a major industry here in L.A. I wish we’d focus on celebrities for the things they’re doing to better themselves and the world. So many celebrities are involved with charities, like Rosie’s For All Kids Foundation and Brangelina’s Jolie-Pitt Foundation. Natalie Portman works with FINCA, George Clooney and others are involved with amfAR, Nicole Richie’s has a children’s charity, and David Hyde Pierce is the spokesperson for the Alzheimer’s Association. The list goes on and on. It’s so much hotter to throw focus there.

Goldstardyke: Your name alone says “Fucking Superstar” did you like your name growing up?
Haviland: I did, actually! There is a brand of motor oil that is pronounced the same way as my name, but is spelled differently. I was/am a tough little southern belle, and quite earnest in my flirtation. As soon as I could speak, I would introduce myself with, “My name is Haviland - like the china, not like the motor oil.” Ridiculous, right?

Goldstardyke: I see you were in Fiddler on the Roof. Which song gets stuck in your mind the most. It’s totally “Sunrise, Sunset” for me.
Haviland: Well, it’s a beautiful song! After doing the show for two years on Broadway, the song that mostly got stuck in my mind was Gwen Stefani’s “Rich Girl,” which she recorded during our revival. Jay-Z did that with musical theatre, too - “Hard Knock Life.” It’s a fantastic idea - more pop stars should do it. Can you imagine? Like, Snoop doing “Hello Dolly”? Also, everyone used to try and get Alfred Molina and Harvey Fierstein, who both played Tevye, to sing “Little bird, Little Haviland.” It’s a subtle difference, but I don’t think it ever happened.

Goldstardyke: After doing a little research I’ve found that you’re beautiful, intelligent, and funny. To this fat lesbian that’s just a little unfair! What is your favorite quality in yourself? What do you find admirable in others. (I ask the latter simply so I can brush up on whatever your answer is within myself)
Haviland: First of all, thank you. I hope you see yourself as more than a “fat lesbian”! My favorite quality in myself is my spirit - also sometimes my least favorite quality! I find many things admirable in others - awareness, honesty, resolve, compassion, kindness, and flexibility.

Goldstardyke: Tell us about FLIRT?
Haviland: FLIRT is the interview show on broadwayworld.com that I host. The first episode was an interview with David Hyde Pierce, who is obviously amazing. We spoke about being comfortable with who you are amidst the societal mayhem, his work with the Alzheimer’s Association, his role in the Broadway musical CURTAINS, and of course, memories from “Frazier,” The second show, which very recently dropped online, was a montage of sorts, and we shot it on the Rosie Cruise. It features interviews and performances from some of Broadway (and beyond!)’s hottest performers, like Daphne Rubin-Vega, the original Mimi in RENT, who I worked with in LES MISERABLES. I have known the O’Donnells for a long time now, and adore and believe in them and in r Family Vacations. This past cruise, in July, was my fourth one with Rosie, and FLIRT hopped aboard. It was edited impeccably by Riese, to show, for your viewing pleasure, the array of mind-blowing amounts of ass-kicking fun we all had.

Photo By: Layla Love

Goldstardyke: Who would you like to work with in the future?
Haviland: There are seriously so many incredible people. Bette Midler. I wallpapered my room with her pictures and articles when I was a kid, and am in this business in large part because of the way she inspired me. Also, Hillary Clinton, obvs. Meryl Streep. Rachel Maddow. Amy Brenneman. Madonna. I get really immersed into TV shows, and go through periods where I feel like I HAVE to work with the creators. Some of those are “My So-Called Life,” “Entourage,” “Arrested Development,” “Ally McBeal,” “Heroes,” “Golden Girls,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and “Nip/Tuck.” I feel extraordinarily fortunate when I think about who I’ve had the opportunity to collaborate with so far, and I’m excited to keep going!

Goldstardyke: From my point of view you always seem to be so damn spunky. Trust that I really wanted to use another word. Do you ever get depressed, and if you do how do you deal with it?
Haviland: Do I ever get depressed? Of course! Make no mistake, I’ve certainly been through it, as anyone who has known me personally would effusively agree with. I’ve worked really hard to reach the point of letting the “spunky” girl shine, and so now I get by with a little help from my friends and I model through it.

Goldstardyke: One of this months topics on TLL is: Rant, Bitch, or Whine! Whatever you call it. Feel free to post about something that makes your skin crawl, do a top 10 of your pet peeves, or go off on someone that you can’t go off on in person. Have at it!
Haviland: I’ve been really trying to stay positive lately! Obvs, though, there are a host of things that drive me insane, like logistics and time it takes to meet basic human needs, like sleeping, eating, etc. Other things that annoy me are are passive aggressiveness, unnecessary drama, disrespect, irresponsibility, and dishonesty.

Goldstardyke: Any gigs coming up in the near future?
Haviland: I’m involved with a bevy of beautiful projects right now, most of which I can’t discuss…yet! As soon as I can, they will all be announced and written about on my website.

If you’re like me and couldn’t get enough of Haviland check out some of the links below and be sure to check out the next episode of FLIRT!

Haviland Stillwell’s website: http://havilandstillwell.com/
Haviland’s youtube page: www.youtube.com/havilandstillwell
Riese’s youtube page: www.youtube.com/marielyn176
Automatic Win: marielynbernard.blogspot.com
Haviland’s Talkshow on Broadway.com: FLIRT

I blame my ever-suffering mother for everything I have inherited. Mental illness? Yup. Big tits? Oh yeah. Uncomprehending love of stuffed animals? ‘Fraid so. Lesbianism? Damn right.

Since I was a tot, my mother has loved and adored the art of Frank Frazetta and Boris Vallejo. She owns a ton of Vallejo art books and several Frazetta ones as well. If you have ever seen any of their work, both are overrun with pictures of gorgeous women. Frazetta specializes in voluptuous, big hipped women and Vallejo depicts muscled, weapon wielding warrior women. I grew up immersed in a world of scantily clad ladies and I loved every minute of it. More times than I could count I would sneak into her room to pilfer her art books and abscond back to my room to drool. Of course the reverse was also true as she would pillage my room while I was at school in search of her beloved books.

My mother loves to admire beautiful women and there are very few women she does not consider beautiful. She will happily join me in drooling over various actresses and singers. She also happily peruses my collection of art books by Luis Royo. He’ll never be as good as Frazetta, she tells me, but his women are nothing to complain about.

My mother’s love of half naked women in art left a strong impression on me. So did her admiration of strong willed women in her books and she often lent these books to me when I was looking for something to read. And god knows we both loved Sigourney Weaver in the Aliens movie saga. In the end when I whine to her that it’s all her fault that I’m gay and that constant exposure to gorgeous women in art twisted my little mind, she lovingly takes the blame.

Artwork by Frank Frazetta

Name: Lili
Age: 32
Location: KS

My g/f of 5yrs and I broke up 7 mos ago and at this point I am interested in dating again. I’m not looking for anything long term, just for the here and now. The problem is that I’ve been given conflicting advice from my friends. Two of my friends say, go for it-if you’re ready than go meet someone. Then the other two say I should wait to date at least 5yrs since thats how long my last relationship was…to give myself time to process things. Is that really necessary?

In my heart and mind it was over between us way before we broke up. Should I go with my gut? Should I follow the advice from friends and wait 5yrs? I’m tired of having unbalanced/unhealthy relationships…so I’m not sure who is right, me or them.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Lindsey Lohan

I recently took part in a conversation with a bunch of my straight friends regarding the validity of Lindsay Lohan’s sexuality. I suppose it doesn’t matter that all the people involved in this conversation were straight except for myself. I have a hunch that the same sort of things may have been said in a room full of lesbians.  give you a few quotes from the evening.

“I think it’s bullshit. I think she got messed up on drugs and that girl who always wears the skinny ties was there when she needed her. Kinda like a rebound hook up. She probably doesn’t even know what love means.”

“Lindsay Lohan’s a lesbian?”

“She doesn’t know what she wants. And I don’t think it matters what’s in between someones legs when it comes to love.”

And then comes my hopeless romantic response.

Lindsey & Sam

“Love is love. If she’s in love with Samantha Ronson so be it. If I had a chance with Lindsey I sure as hell wouldn’t run away from it because she’s slept with men in the past. And honestly it doesn’t matter what the truth is or what any of us think. If the girl’s in love we all know it can make you stupid.”

When I said love will make you stupid I didn’t mean the only reason she is now with a woman is because she’s stupid. More like we do crazy shit for love and if it’s love she’s in, male or female, so be it!

So I’d really like to see what everyone’s take is on the matter. Do you think she’s a lesbian, perhaps bisexual, or maybe she’s just in love. Do you think if she came out it would be good for the LGBT community or do you think she’s just another over rated Hollywood twenty something that would only taint all that the community has worked for?

I’m honestly interested and would love to hear your comments!

I’d like to say that the story I’m about to tell you will end like a fairy tale should. I’d like to promise you that the good girl gets the girl, but she doesn’t. It’s just that I need to tell the story. I need others to read my words. I need someone to tell me it will be okay. Because right now it hurts. It hurts so much that I would rather tear my heart from my chest than ever love again.

Once upon a time there was a girl who believed in love. She fell easily and she fell hard. It wasn’t until she met an angel that she finally discovered what love truly was. On that fateful day that she met her angel every thing in her life changed. She saw herself differently. She saw herself through the angel’s eyes and for the first time in her life she saw someone she liked.

Each day for two years she and the angel talked. She could tell her angel any thing and every thing. In return the angel would tell her secrets about Heaven. She would tell her stories about watching sunsets from the clouds and having dinner in the ocean. The girl was amazed, envious, and hypnotized by the angels stories. She wanted nothing more than to watch the sunset with her angel and have tea under water.

After almost a thousand days the girl finally mustered the courage to tell her angel that she was in love.  She was so nervous her voice cracked when she said the words.

Her angel looked at her with her dark brown eyes. The girl couldn’t take it any longer. Within all the months and hours of knowing the angel she had spilled her soul. She now felt that she would be nothing if the angel denied her. How would she live without the love of the only person she could give her truth to.

After what seemed like centuries the angel grabbed the girls hand and spoke. “It was never me that you loved. It was only the dream of me. Yes the sunsets are beautiful, but the storms are far more than you could ever handle. Sleeping in the treetops of the rainforests is breathtaking, but it never stops raining. There is a time and a million places for us, but it’s not now, and I’m afraid I can’t tell you when it will be.”

The girl dropped her head. She couldn’t help but feel like she just lost all that was good in her world. “So you never loved me?”

With tears in her eyes the angel spoke the last words she would ever speak to the girl. “I have always loved you and always will. I have fallen in love with every part of you. You have shown me what it means to be weak, strong, and truly alive. It’s just that my heart is not mine to give. My heart belongs to another. I can only hope that I will leave you with a love that you will never forget. I had hoped you would never say the words because I knew when you did I would have to go. I had hoped you wouldn’t fall because I would not be able to catch you when you did.”

That was the last time the girl would ever see her angel. She lives every day reminded of her in different ways. As in all fairy tales a lesson was learned. The girl would never give her heart away without knowing the person she gave it to would be able to care for it. She would never say I love you without knowing the person she gave it to would say it back. She would never again fall in love with an angel because she wasn’t good enough to be loved back.

The other night my partner and I stuck it out for two whole games while being heckled by a couple of men at the pool table. They were agressive and full of sexist and homophobic insults. I won’t bore you with the all too familiar details. The barwoman has promised to throw them out next time. This is Norway and things work on a different time scale (but that’s a whole other rant).

My partner and I are very good pool players. Wait, that’s not the point. Shouldn’t women be allowed to play pool whether they are good or not? Men are. (Even the felt-rippers.)

My partner and I largely pass as boys in mainstream society. Hang on, that’s not really the point either. Should women have to look like men in order to have the same rights? Should only masculine women be taken seriously? Why is masculinity serious and femininity silly? Aren’t these values just learned anyway? It’s much easier for me in mainstream society when I pass as a man. I’m respected and taken seriously. I’ve been fairly gender ambiguous all my life and it would probably be a lot easier for me if I just transitioned. However, I’m historically a woman. I’ve come to respect this body and claim it’s space as mine. I’m not about to change just because it would make my life easier. If you can’t beat them, join them is just too defeatist. Besides, I’m not about to start heckling women just because I’m hairier.

Simone de Beauvoir didn’t think that the biological differences between men and women explained the superior position of men in society. She thought that men had used theology, philosophy, biology and psychology to serve their own best interests and marginalise women. Women have thereby been relegated to an inferior position in society and then men have pointed to this as proof of women being inferior by nature.

So why play right into their hands, if you’ll excuse the expression?